Through the Woods (part 3)

~ magicquill17

The time has come to rescue you guys from the cliffhanger I left in Through the woods (part 2). If you’re totally confused as to what I’m talking about, chances are you haven’t read part 1 as well. Go ahead and read the previous parts if you haven’t and if you have, welcome to Part 3.

Ivaan woke with the wind howling in his ears and the tree branches snapping at his face. It took him a moment to get his bearings. Apparently, he was riding on the back of a lion. Then it all came back to him- being foolhardy enough to venture into the forest at night, the lion carrying him away, the forest ranger shooting at it in vain. His memory had only just come back that the lion leapt up into the air. Ivaan clung on to its back for dear life. His grip was so tight that his knuckles went white. Then, as the beast descended, he heard a splash and felt his own body drowning after a second.

The animal had jumped straight into a lake! Its intentions were completely incomprehensible to him. No terrestrial being with half a brain cell would dive into a lake in the middle of the night and not attempt to swim. Yet here he was, clutching the fur of the lion and about to drown with him. His reflexes told him to breathe, but he held out for as long as he could. But eventually, instinct trumps reason. He opened his mouth and was just about to take in a gulp of water when suddenly, he found himself sprawled on dry land. He coughed and spluttered, wiping his eyes with his hand, and took a look at his surroundings. The lion hadn’t surfaced in the forest because the environment was unfamiliar. It was night still, but he wasn’t on the woodland floor as he’d expected. Instead, he was lying on a low pavement beside a road, bathed in the light of a lantern hanging high above.

He blinked his eyes to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The surroundings didn’t change, so he probably wasn’t. Presently two men dressed up like medieval soldiers approached him and the lion. The lion got up and the soldiers bowed. The men and the lion conversed in some unintelligible language and the soldiers, pointing their swords at him, said: “Better come quietly, boy.” There was no need for that. Ivaan was too tired and baffled to protest, so he’d have gone nevertheless. He got up and walked away with the men and the beast, little knowing that this was only a small one in the series of surprises to come.

What is this place and why have the soldiers captured Ivaan? What surprises are to be seen? Wait till the next part to find out.

13 thoughts on “Through the Woods (part 3)”

  1. “Apparently, he was riding on the back of a lion.”

      I’d suggest describing how Ivaan realizes he’s on the lion’s back. Maybe he can look down at his hands clutching fur, or see the shoulders or something. Try to show how he reacts to the sudden realization.

    “His memory had only just come [back] that the lion leapt up into the air.”

      Change to when.

    “Then, as the beast descended, he heard a splash and felt his own body drowning after a second.”

      Consider rephrasing this. “…and moments later, felt himself drowning.” Personally, I don’t like the use of drowning in this instance. Who starts to drown after only a second, or even moments. You could instead describe the sensation or experience of being submerged in the water moments after hearing a splash.

    “The lion hadn’t surfaced in the forest because the environment was unfamiliar.”

      I was at first confused by this sentence. I thought you were describing the lion’s motive, as in the lion did not want to surface in an unfamiliar environment, the woods being unfamiliar. Instead, I’d suggest rephrasing to show Ivaan taking in the unfamiliar environment and coming to the conclusion that they had not resurfaced in the woods.

    I haven’t read the first two parts, yet. They weren’t showing on your blog, but that might just be my slow internet. So, I can’t really form any opinion just yet. Once I read the first parts, I’ll let you know what I think.

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    1. Thank you so much for this analytical comment, Jessica! Your advice is quite handy. I’d never thought about those things before. This will surely help improve my writing. You’re like a Sherlock Holmes for literary critique.
      Hope your internet stops being slow so that you can read the previous parts 🙂

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      1. Yeah… I’ll stay tuned for the next part. And for this I am going to follow you.😀

        & Please read my story’s later parts. And if you like them you can also follow me for the next part.😊😃

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    1. Thanks! I’m pleased to see you liked the name, as I didn’t want it to be familiar. Ivaan is actually an Indian name which means God’s gift. However, even though I live in India, I haven’t been fortunate enough to meet someone named Ivaan.

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