Swag- and other things that turn me into a demon

Today, I’m not expressing myself through either poetry or prose. This is just a raw post, of me talking to- not my brain this time- but to you. With no literary coverings.  If that’s not what you’d like to read, you can just skip this post- I won’t hold it against you. I promise.

So you’re still here, aren’t you? Thanks for being with me. Now let’s get to the point.

Originally I’d planned for this post to be ‘Swag- and other things that piss me off’, but if I were to create a list of things that merely piss me off, it’d be too long. So here I am, telling you about things that actually, biologically, turn me into a demon. Yes, I’m a werewolf and these things turn me from girl to beast- not the full moon (Hollywood got that wrong, by the way). Now I do realise I should’ve told you that earlier, but I figured you’d be so scared you’d unfollow me. But now I’m telling you because you’ve been with me long enough to develop a liking for my writing, so I assume I can safely tell you the truth about myself.

Let’s start with ‘swag’. It’s a popular word in India that Gen-Z uses for ‘a cool attitude’. And people use that word to seem cool. In my opinion, they fail miserably. Whenever someone says ‘swag’, I instantly place them in my mental Douchebag Hall of Fame. Not just that- as I told you before, I turn into a beast. It goes something like this:

Me: Hi, Sandy! (just a random name I made up) Are you free right now? This electromagnetism thing just won’t go into my head. Think you could explain it to me?

Sandy (keep in mind that Sandy is my good friend): I’m so sorry, Anisha. I promised to help Addy (another name I made up) for his singing competition tomorrow.

Me: Hey! Since when did you start singing?

Sandy: Oh no, I’m not. Addy’s got a great voice, but he can’t rock the show- he hasn’t got swag, you know. I’m helping him with his swag.

Me: You had to say that word, didn’t you? (face elongates into snout, body morphs into a wolf’s, tail grows out) HOWWWWLLL! GRRR…. (snaps at Sandy and chews him up).

So there you have it- now you know what not to say when you’re talking to me. Oh wait- you don’t. If I really like you as a person, I might forgive you for one or two ‘swags’. But whatever you do, even if you’re my best friend, never do one thing. Do. Not. Insult. My. Fandoms.

Me: Hi! I’m hoping you didn’t forget what I told you yesterday?

Sandy: What?

Me: I told you to watch Friends- did you watch it?

Sandy: Oh, that. Yes, I did. But I didn’t like it much. It’s just senseless comedy. The characters are so dumb. Ross- more like Gross…

Me: Be prepared to roll in your grave. (face elongates into snout, body morphs into a wolf’s, tail grows out) HOWWWWLLL! GRRR…. (picks Sandy up, tosses him to the floor and claws his face before burying him in the ground).

I totally get it if you don’t like something I do. But express it in a respectful way. Say something like ‘I didn’t like it much. Maybe I’m just not the type for it’. And I promise you’ll go home in a single piece. But if you insult my fandoms like poor Sandy in the example, forget about a single piece- you won’t even go home.

Then we have those people- not fit to be called ‘people’- who think it’s cool to not care about the environment. These arseholes take long showers, leave the lights on in a room, burst firecrackers on Diwali, and throw trash on the street. Let me tell you one thing, bishes- if you don’t care about the environment, the environment won’t give a euglena’s eyelash about you. It’ll toss you like that empty packet you tossed on the street. I could go on and on about this- how our coral reefs are dying, baby penguins are starving, we’re having to look for a planet to colonise, new diseases are emerging- all because of such jellyfish-brained tadpoles- but we have to move on to other things.

Sexism is another thing that could potentially put your life in danger. There are a lot of faults with third-wave feminism- like women focusing on the right to run around topless instead of empowering women where it’s actually needed- and I’m not talking about those. That’s plain stupid. What else is plain stupid is this-

Sandy (lifting something heavy): Umph… this box is so heavy.

Me: Wait, dude. Let me help you with it.

Sandy: Oh, no, thanks. I’ll get one of the guys to do it. Girls can’t lift much load.

Me: Watch me, sucker. (face elongates into snout, body morphs into a wolf’s, tail grows out) HOWWWWLLL! GRRR…. (picks him up and throws him out the second-floor window).

That’s all I have for you today. Tell me in the comments below if any of these things inflame you too, or what else turns you into a demon (figuratively, of course. I know you’re not a werewolf like me).

13 thoughts on “Swag- and other things that turn me into a demon

  1. lmao…this is funny as helll… I can totally relate…I am deeply offended when someone talks trash about GoT after I tell them to look at it… as for the 21st century jargon… ‘swag… so extra…no filter…boy bye…’ and so many more my mind is refusing to remember right now… I just don’t get it… lol…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading! 21st century jargon is extremely annoying when it goes too overboard. I haven’t watched GoT myself, but a lot of people tell me its storyline’s good if you can ignore the sexual and gory stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am in total agreement here, for all except one thing:
    “But now I’m telling you because you’ve been with me long enough to develop a liking for my writing, so I assume I can safely tell you the truth about myself.”
    This is the first I’ve read of yours, so in a turn of events your spin-off post has made me eager to see your other stuff : )

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Happy to say I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use the term ‘swag’ in real life- except for like a swag bag of goodies that you get free at fancy events, which who can resist??:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely understand where you’re coming from.

    Coincidentally, I just got done binge watching “Friends” the other day.

    One of the things that I don’t like is when someone calls me out of my name, especially when it is done to be demeaning. I don’t find it funny or cute.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! “I’ll be there for you…” (I’m sorry, that’s just me when I find a person who shares one of my fandoms)
      Yes! Everyone cusses sometime or the other, but when it gets too overboard or someone insults you without reason just to sound cool or something, it’s like you want to give that person a kick up their ass. Thanks for reading, BTW!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha. >_< "It's like you're always stuck in second gear, when it hasn't been your day or year…"

        Exactly.

        I would like to add that the word legendary makes my eye twitch sometimes when people use it in every other sentence.

        Of course, I enjoy your posts. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Not only legendary, I want to shove a pencil in the person’s mouth who uses the same word once every ten seconds or so. On Saturday I went for a quiz competition and there was this lady that introduced the day’s schedule to us and she kept saying the word ‘opportunity’ over and over again. I wanted to yell at her to get a thesaurus and say that ‘opportunity’ wasn’t even a word anymore. It happens, you know, when you hear or say a word too many times. It goes from being a word to being a meaningless string of alphabets.

          Liked by 1 person

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