My Brain (singing): I’ve been a liar, been a thief, been a lover, been a cheat-
Me: Oi, liar and cheat, stop singing and help me out with a blog post.
My Brain: Oh, how annoying you are. Can’t you ever go help yourself? Type out one of the stories you wrote last week.
Me: I am annoying? Oh, look who’s talking. And is the mind palace I created after I watched Sherlock of no use? It’s the One-Year Anniversary of my blog.
My Brain (claps mockingly): Well done, little one. Now go write about how grateful you are to your readers for reading and appreciating all your trash and-
Me: Trash? The ideas come out of you, so you’re basically calling yourself rubbish. Gotcha.
My Brain: Oh, the best of us mess up words sometimes, imbecile koritsi (means girl in Greek, a language I’m currently learning). So go write about how nostalgic you feel about your starting-out days, how you never thought you’d make it this far, blah blah blah.
Me: Do I have to remind you everything? I did that on my 100-followers celebratory post. I need to do something different. Something unique. Something I’ve never done before. Something-
My Brain: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Well, let me see. How about you ask your readers to tell you in the comments what they like about you and your stuff and what they don’t? And tell them to be honest, and that you promise you won’t get offended.
Me: I could do that.
My Brain: See? I’m smart, unlike you.
Me: Oh, please. Don’t act as if you thought of it. Mom told me to do that when I asked for her suggestions.
My Brain: Whatever.
Me: Well, that’s just a couple of lines. What about the rest?
My Brain: Oh, I know. Write haikus. Or some of those really short stories that are popular nowadays- like six or seven-word ones.
Me: You nearly malfunctioned when I wrote a 100-worder.
My Brain: So write a conversation with me. You know people dig that stuff. Admit it- those are your most popular posts and the best of your poems have never been able to surpass the number of likes conversations with me get.
Me: Oh yeah?
My Brain (puffing up): I have the stats to prove it, mademoiselle. The maximum number of likes any of your poems have got till date is 17 or 18. But the two conversations with me, bam, 25 likes.
Me: That’s not much of a difference. And besides, you idiot, I don’t write for likes. I write what I like.
My Brain: Where did you copy that from?
Me: It’s an original, doofus. Someone else might have said it too, I don’t deny it, but I’ve never read it anywhere.
My Brain: That gives me an idea. Write out a list of original quotes. You’ve never done that before.
Me: It’s a blog, not a website for Whatsapp statuses.
My Brain: Statuses… ah, I have it. Write about the things you find weird in language. Like how we normally use cacti as the plural of cactus, fungi as the plural of fungus, etc but we don’t say status-stati, circus-circi, and so on.
Me: I’m not a grammarian.
My Brain: You are a grammar nazi.
Me: They’re not the same things.
My Brain: Oh, how I ache to see all these wonderful ideas being casually discarded by a dumb idiot like you.
Me: Dumb idiot? Since when did you start using such senseless phrases? It’s like saying sweet sugar, or sour pickle, or-
My Brain: Knock it off. Now, shut up and let me think.
Me: Wow. I didn’t know you thought. I believed thinking was the trachea’s job.
My Brain: Do you find it so hard to follow simple instructions?
Me: Okay, go on and do your thinking, Wrinkles.
My Brain: I do not-
Me: Haven’t we already had this conversation once? I’m thinking of adopting ‘Wrinkles’ as your official name. Oh, next time I post a conversation with you, I could title it ‘XXX- A conversation with Wrinkles’ instead of the usual ‘XXX- A conversation with my brain.’
My Brain: It won’t be as attractive.
Me: It’ll be positively charming.
My Brain: See, this is why I call you stupid. You’ve disrupted my train of thoughts.
Me: I’m sure it’s not even a bicycle.
My Brain: You don’t even have thoughts.
Me: That’s because you’re my- what does the biology teacher call it- thinking tissue.
My Brain (pretending to ignore me): Something you’ve never done before… I have it. Write a book or a movie review.
Me: Pleh. You know I hate doing that.
My Brain: What sort of a bibliophile hates writing book reviews?
Me: The kind that writes books.
My Brain: So tell the readers about something-
Me(exasperated): It’s not a lifestyle blog.
My Brain: You said you write what you like. So don’t categorise and put a label on your blog.
Me: I don’t like writing about my life. It’s not nearly as interesting as Dev Lumen’s (the protagonist of my latest (unpublished) YA novel).
My Brain: I’m out of ideas now.
Me: When were you into them?
My Brain: When you hadn’t rejected every single thing that I said. Now go and do whatever you want. I’ve told you everything I could think of.
Me: But wait-
My Brain (ignoring me and singing): Truth and my lies, right now, are falling like the rain; So let the river run…
So that’s all I have for my special Blog-Anniversary post. I know, it isn’t something I’ve never done before but it’s something that hasn’t been around for a while and something that makes all of you laugh. That’s my biggest gift for my Blog-Anniversary- knowing that I could put a smile on someone’s face. And yeah, do the thing my brain said- tell me what you like and what you don’t like here at the Factory. If you don’t want to, that’s fine as well. Just do it if you’d like to, don’t be shy.
As always, thanks for stopping by!